Kauai

Kauai is beautiful this time of year.  We have a beach house at baby beach, a small reefed in beach in Kapaa.  It's a great place for the kids.  Like having a swimming pool at a hotel :).  We've been relaxing while enjoying some of the local island places.  The other day we went out to Kipu Falls.  Everyone jumped but A and I.  I went out to the edge and stood there but I just couldn't jump.  I still can't believe I couldn't jump....ugh...

spring break

so...this is the first spring break in a long time we've just stayed home.  wow  it's been nice, but it's over with way too soon.  we've just hung out, the kids have played with friends, we've gone swimming, to the park and the Carl Bloch exhibit.

Timid frightened anxious
Anticipation of what's beyond
Slip forward
Explode
Into the newness of light.

St Patrick's Day

Yesterday M got out A's clothes for today.  She found him a green shirt and some jeans for St. Patrick's Day.  He said, "Those jeans are blue someone will pinch my legs." We assurred him that as long as he had green on no one would pinch him anywhere.  This morning I went to dress him and I saw a pair on dark green jeans in with his pants so I put those on instead.  "oh good,"  he said with a huge sigh, "now no one will pinch my legs." 
Every year I by Lucky Charms or Captain Crunch with green crunch berries, dye my milk green and serve it for breakfast St Patrick's Day morning.  The leperchauns have come.  This morning I didn't, I wonder if anyone will notice.

T Got his License!

Today T got his driver's license.  I know this happens to almost all teenagers, but I really wasn't sure this would ever happen with T :).  What a change from the completely irresponsible beligerent boy of 16 to the responsible, pleasant boy of 17.  As I was typing this he brought  the computer into A's room where I am trying to put A to sleep, and set it down on the bed in front of me so I could type in the password.  Unfortunatelly when he set it down it hit the bottom of my eye really hard and my eye really hurts :(, 
J is struggling with wanting to be responsible for himself, but not being responsible when we completely lay off.  He doesn't want us to say a word about his grades or homework or anything.  He becomes defensive when we do say something and rants about how we're trying to "force" him.  Yet he doesn't ever complete assignments unless he's reminded, and then only some of the time.  I really don't know what to do.  He is super stubborn.  You know he's basically a really good kid.  He seems to love God and reallly wants to do what is right, but he has no motivation to excell in anything except book reading.  He's a voracious reader and always has his nose in a book, but I'm reallly worried about him because much of the rest of life is passing him by.  He actually has had a bit of a social life recently, he's actually gone over to his friend D's a few times and his friend A's birthday party.  He seems to really enjoy these friends and some of his girl friends like M P.  He is also in the play Fiddler on the Roof and is playing the part of the Constable.  Of course he has everyone else's lines memorized verbatim (lol).  He has an amazing memory.  He wanders around the house a lot with his head in the clouds quoting all kinds of things,  movies he's seen once, lines from books,  things he's read in class...funny things from UTube... it's really quite hillarious, if he'd only  focus just a little bit of his attention on his homework!   Asi es la vida !  funny kid....
Today J saw a red brick on the trampoline and asked A if he could move the red rock off the trampoline.  A just looked at him like he was stupid and said, "That's not a rock Dad, that's a brick."  Sometimes kids are much smarter than we think.
A couple of days ago he was telling us about one of his friends at preschool and he said, "he's 4 like me."  J asked him when he turned 4, and A replied, "On his birthday."  Of course....
Today M and I went to the dentist.  One of her baby teeth broke in half when the new tooth came in.  One half was still in her mouth the root still deeply implanted held in by the newly emerging baby tooth.  We couldn't get it out, so doctor Moffat had too.  It was good to Ryan again as always.  It's always nice to know your dentist, it makes it not so scary :).  Afterward we saw her new theater teacher Jennifer _______ in TJ Max.  M could only smile on one side of her mouth ( the other side was numb where they pulled the tooth) so she appeared to be scouling at her teacher the whole time.  So between M scowling and me in my lovely workout clothes (I forgot about the appointment and didn't have time to shower after my spin workout this morning)  we must have looked quite the sight.  Anyway, we enjoyed the afternoon together at the dentist and then doing a bit of shopping, to bad it ended with me dropping M off in front of her school with her screaming, I Hate School....I don't want to go back to School...I Hate School....I hate You (after I told her she had to get out of the car or spend the rest of the day in her room)  lovely....

T composing

This last year

This last year has been a time of much pain and much joy.  In June my father, one of my dearest friends died. The last time he was out visiting me before he passed he and I did our usual drive around together ( we would drive around doing all my errands and talking).  We like to do this.  It gave us time alone.   I remember he turned to me and said, "You and I, we understand each other don't we Sammy.  We've always understood each other." "Yes," I said, in my usual eloquent manner...I don't know why this sticks in my mind, but I think It describes me and my Dad, we understood each other, and that was good.
In January, we lost my Uncle, Uncle Dick.  He was my mom's only sibling and the only uncle we really had.  I think our family (my Mom's) is still in shock, losing the two patriarch's of our family so suddenly and so close together.  I remember wrestling with my Uncle and cousin S as a teenager, I remember him cheering loudly for me at the state finals for volleyball, I remember him threatening us with his belt when we slept over and wouldn't be quiet.
The beginning of the year found my son in a treatment center for behavoiral issues associated with his asperger's and other things.  This was extremely painful but necessary to us as parents.  We hoped and prayed that he could make changes in his life, and he did.  The greatest joy of this year is seeing my son.  Seeing the person he is trying to be.  Watching him interact with adults and peers.  Seeing him suceed in school, at home, at church and socially.  I can't explain how grateful I am to my Heavenly Father for the miracle I have seen take place in him.  The last time he spoke to his Grandpa he said, "Grandpa, I will make you proud.  I will."
Sometimes life can wear you down, but always there is love to bring you up if you allow it.  This year I lost one of the most important persons in my life, but because of love, the love of God, the love of teachers, the love of his family, my son has been found.

Enveloping
Smothering
Absolute
Sadness

george

Click here to view these pictures larger

George Henry Strayer

My Dad passed yesterday. Jim and I rented a house in Camino since the end of May and I've been helping with Dad's care, while he worked and the kids did whatever. Carrie was living with Dad. James and Susan were here helping, and Mike and Chelsea. Lori came up from Sacramento for a couple of days. We all took turns taking care of him. When Carrie went to the doctor with Dad a few months ago, they said he had between 2-4 years to live. He had Bladder Cancer. In May he had surgery to remove the cancer on his bladder. His bladder and his kidney's were in awful shape. The doctor wanted to take out his bladder and use a bladder bag. He wouldn't. he also refused Kemotherapy and radiation. He said he didn't want to die like Mom. He also had a hernia operation 2 days after the bladder tumor operation. Steadily and rapidly, after the operations, his health declined. It was so quick. Jim and I had originally arranged to stay at this place for 2 weeks. When we got here and saw Dad, we knew. We immediately arranged to stay until the end of June.
Two days ago I was able to sit with Dad alone for a few hours. I just sat next to his bed and rubbed his arm and shoulders and neck and occassionally talked to him. I love my Dad. He was my best friend when I was a kid. I never doubted that he loved me. When it was time for me to leave I looked in his eyes and I could see his love. I said, "I'm going home now Dad. I'll see you in the morning." He looked right at me and nodded perceptively, I knew. I kissed his forhead and said I love you, He tried to kiss me back so I kissed him on the mouth and then again on the head. I knew he was saying goodbye.
During the night, around 11pm, James texted me to tell me they'd started giving him morphine for pain. The nurse told him it would a few hours 'till a few days. James, Lori, Carrie and I gathered at Dad's. Mike had left for Baltimore a few days before. We sat with him through the night, his breathing was extremely irregular and ragged. In the morning, Lori and Carrie and I changed him and laid him on his side, his breathing became more peaceful, less ragged. James had left earlier to record some documents for the house. Carrie decided to take a shower, I decided to go on a walk and Lori began vacuuming. During my walk, I had the distinct impression that I needed to continue to walk and not go back, that Dad couldn't go with us holding him there. Although, we didn't mean to be, our presence, as his children held him to this life. Within a period of 10 to 15 minutes James came back. He asked Lori to turn off the vacuum. Dad was gone. He had chosen to go when we were all away or distracted. I think he needed us to not be holding him here at all. I am so thankful for the opportunity to be here with my Dad in his time of need. He has always been there for me.

Bodega Bay

The last day and a half my brother's and their families and A and I have taken Dad to Bodega Bay.  It has been a very relaxing experience.  Dad has been so relaxed to be here at the beach, near the water.  I think it's been very good for him to be out of his house.  It has been a beautiful day here.  I took some videos of A earlier which are very funny, he absolutely loved the water!  Not only have I enjoyed being here with Dad, but I've had a lovely time with A.  He fell asleep on the way here so I brought him in and laid him down on the bed.  Later, as we prepared for bed he said to me, "Mom, you can sleep in my bed."  Gee, thanks buddy, I thought you were sleeping in my bed!  He and SS and I went down to the beach this afternoon and on the way back there was a small creek.  I showed him the water skimmers on top of the water.  He didn't want to leave, he wanted to "get naked" and go in the creek with the water skimmers, "'cause they won't hurt me, they won't mom!"  We also spotted a ground squirrel poking it's head out which he decided to watch for a while.  Luckily, SS finally caught a ladybug which we used to lure him up the path or the walk home could have taken us hours :).  Anyway, he's been cute.

Going Well

Things are going well around here, besides the fact that I came down wrong on my ankle this morning in Step Aerobics and fell and sprained my ankle :)!  I hurt.  The kids are doing well.  Today was Macey dance festival performance.  They were very cute.  Josh has been working hard all afternoon on his Rupt Goldberg Project for science.  Ben doesn't have any homework since it's the last few days of school.  He so excited he doesn't know what to do with himself!  He tryed out for UT FC's AAA soccer team last week and made it!  I think the increased level of competition will be good for him.  Trevor has finished his last step toward getting social rec and will be coming home to stay some nights now.   This will be an exciting and hopefully postitive experience for all of us.  I worry of course, but I know he is doing well.  He is learning to control his own behavior and it is so wonderful. 
Ernie hates the electric fence, but he has responded great and stays in the yard at all times!  Yeah!  no more stress over the dog!
I have been enjoying teaching YWomen.  I taught about sharing the gospel last Sunday and was able to share experiences about Vicky Parker and Mark Ewoldsen with the girls.  I think they were touched.  I hope so.

Dad and T

My Dad will have his surgery on Wednesday.  The tumor is cancerous.  They will attempt to remove the tumor from his bladder.  He doesn't want to have kimotherapy or radiation so were hoping they will be able to remove all of the tumor.  He had been anxious and nervous. 
T was home on Saturday.  We spent the day making an electric fence for Ernie.  He has been herding cars and almost getting himself killed, so we thought we should take care of it.  T was a big help.  He is so much more open and respectful, I can hardly believe it's the same kid.  I hope so badly that he continues to heal.
My brother M and C had their baby on the 21st.  A girl.

Dad

My Dad went to the doctor Saturday.  He thought he had kidney stones.  He hasn't been to the doctor in almost 30 years!  It isn't kidney stones, it's a tumor on top of his bladder.  They said if it's cancerous that it is a very treatable kind, but we are all still scared.  We lost our Mom to Cancer 18 years ago now.  It was terrible.  My Dad has been my hero all of my life.  He is a good man, a kind man.  I know that in worldly terms he hasn't done a lot, but in my terms he's amazing.  I remember sitting with him and talking for hours, chopping wood, painting, watering the garden.  He always had time for me  and cared about his family more than anything else.  I remember one time I asked him why he never went out with friends or anything and he said, "Daughter, my family is my life.  I love being at home."  I think that says it all.

Each Day

Each day goes by so quickly.  What did I do today?  This morning at 5:30am I worked out, Trudy's muscle class.  I came home, helped the kids get ready for school, drove the kids and a couple of their friends to school, came home, fed Adam, did the dishes.  Then?  I took a nap.  I was exhausted.  Too many nights of staying up really late 12 am - 1 am and getting up early to exercize.  The rest of the day?  A bit of cleaning, carpooling, shopping, making treats with my kids and having a family movie night.  Jim got Star Trek free in the mail through his Art Directors Union.  Yeah, I'm really not sure what I did.  I do know I had a nice time teaching my kids to make the treat.  We made chocolate marshmallow bars.  We spread marshmallows  and slivered almonds on a cookie sheet covered in wax paper then poured melted chocolate over the top and sprinkled with broken up pepermint candy canes.  We'll let it sit in the refrigerator over night.  Ummm good!

I Can do all Things through Christ Which Strengtheneth Me. Phillipians 4:13

What does the word which refer to?  Christ or the things which strengthen us?  I prefer to believe that it refers to both.  I believe that Christ will strengthen me in all things and that he will help us with all things that will strengthen us.  Are things that will strengthen us always good, easy things?  I don't think so.  I think the hard things in life are often the things that strengthen us the most.  They are sad, they can be painful, they can be hard but if we put our trust in Christ he will always bring us through.  Maybe not in the way we expect, but in the way that will be most beneficial to us.

Home

JS, my brother and drove to Sacramento/Placerville today with M and A. Very nice uneventful drive. I enjoyed being able to talk with Js, although I spend much more time with Js than I used to, I rarely just get to talk to him. I'm staying with LF and hoping to see my old friends while I'm here.

"In the search for our best selves, several questions will guide our thinking: Am I what I want to be? Am I closer to the Savior today than I was yesterday? Will I be closer yet tomorrow? Do I have the courage to change for the better?" ~ Thomas S. Monson

sadness

Dad and the boys on their boys trip to LA.

I am so very sad.Trevor's 16th birthday Party a few days before he left for Timpview.

My brother J took these pictures of our family just before Christmas.

M's Baptism

Saturday was M's baptism.She was so excited! Ever since September when she was told she'd be baptised on June 6th she's continually told us, "I get to be baptised on June 6! I just love her excitement, it's so contagious! Grandma and Grandpa gave the prayers, KC gave a talk, AC sang, "When I am baptised," and the Carson's and Collier's sang, "Teach me to Walk in the Light." Then her Dad baptized and confirmed her. She was so happy! Iam so thankful for the Gospel of Jesus Christ!

Dad's Here!

It is very nice to have my Dad visiting today. I really enjoy his company and so do my kids. He and JM were very cute sitting and playing cards tonight. Grandpa taught JM how to play solitare and he really liked it.
Tomorrow is M's baptism. She is really excited. She has everything ready. Her dress, shoes and hair clips all laid out, and her bags packed. She is a very cute girl!

A day on the Boat

We took the boat out for the first time this summer. We were out long enough for JM, M and BJ to ride the tube a few times and for JM to wakeboard. M was afraid of the tube for some reasons and it didn't help that the first time J started to pull the tube it started to go under and so did the kids! She didn't like that! All in all we had fun though!

We had a Strayer afternoon at the movies today. Our family and Js, SS, ES and K all went to see "Up." It was a very good movie. The character of the girl was so funny. Anyway, the movie was fun to see.
We had a fairly sane and enjoyable family night tonight. We talked about work and how important it is for each member of our family to work hard at what they do. We made a goal as a family to complete all of our chores for the next month. As a reward we decided we would go to Lagoon. Anyone who didn't complete their chores would either stay home or pay for themselves.
T seems to be working hard at Lightning Peak. I haven't spoken to his advocate Kelly, but He's been coming home with stories about the community service they've been doing. Today he said they went to a vegetarian Buddist Temple. He was quite excited about an old British woman who was in charge. He said he was sweeping and she asked for someone to help her with something. When no one else volunteered she demanded that he put down the broom and come help her. Later, after he finished helping her he picked up the broom to begin sweeping again. "Did I tell you to sweep again?" she asked. "No. Can I sweep again?" he responded. "Go ahead," she told him. He thought this was quite funny. So did BJ and JM.
BJ had his first day of soccer camp at BYU. He said his leader was the head guy. He said he really enjoyed it. He also ran into his old friend Josh who lives across the field from us. "I forgot about him," BJ said. He was very excited to make that contact again!
M and Addison started a new business a few days ago. They call it "Flower Power." They decided to take all the leftover flower parts from the party the other day and make more flower hair clips. They then went around the neighborhood selling them door to door. They have made about $34.00 so far selling them for $2 apiece. They are very cute about it.
Tonight the kids had a great time laughing at A. He was wandering around the kitchen saying "Okie dokie" except in baby talk, it was very cute. The other day we were at the rec center and he saw a Popsicle freezer, he immediately walked up and started counting the pictures of Popsicles on the freezer. There were 10 Popsicles and he counted all 10. Ben says he can count to 12. It's very cute!
I told T and JM I'd get them a book if they cleaned the game room tonight so I have to go.

Nice Day

Adam and Nathaniel Reading.

It was such a beautiful day today! Warm and gorgeous! After cleaning the kitchen and family room this morning, I got to go on a nice long bike ride with Sandy Tarwater, Tina Rassmussen, Donna Jex, and for a little ways Emily Brimhall. We went down 6400 to the north side of Alpine then down 4800 to the Cedar hills golf course trail, then down past the temple and back home. Lots of hills. I was tired! I then came home and fixed my sprinklers and planted. After picking up Trevor in Spanish Fork, where he was doing community service for Hoofbeats to Healing, I weeded the rest of the night away. A nice, but exhausting day!