George Henry Strayer

My Dad passed yesterday. Jim and I rented a house in Camino since the end of May and I've been helping with Dad's care, while he worked and the kids did whatever. Carrie was living with Dad. James and Susan were here helping, and Mike and Chelsea. Lori came up from Sacramento for a couple of days. We all took turns taking care of him. When Carrie went to the doctor with Dad a few months ago, they said he had between 2-4 years to live. He had Bladder Cancer. In May he had surgery to remove the cancer on his bladder. His bladder and his kidney's were in awful shape. The doctor wanted to take out his bladder and use a bladder bag. He wouldn't. he also refused Kemotherapy and radiation. He said he didn't want to die like Mom. He also had a hernia operation 2 days after the bladder tumor operation. Steadily and rapidly, after the operations, his health declined. It was so quick. Jim and I had originally arranged to stay at this place for 2 weeks. When we got here and saw Dad, we knew. We immediately arranged to stay until the end of June.
Two days ago I was able to sit with Dad alone for a few hours. I just sat next to his bed and rubbed his arm and shoulders and neck and occassionally talked to him. I love my Dad. He was my best friend when I was a kid. I never doubted that he loved me. When it was time for me to leave I looked in his eyes and I could see his love. I said, "I'm going home now Dad. I'll see you in the morning." He looked right at me and nodded perceptively, I knew. I kissed his forhead and said I love you, He tried to kiss me back so I kissed him on the mouth and then again on the head. I knew he was saying goodbye.
During the night, around 11pm, James texted me to tell me they'd started giving him morphine for pain. The nurse told him it would a few hours 'till a few days. James, Lori, Carrie and I gathered at Dad's. Mike had left for Baltimore a few days before. We sat with him through the night, his breathing was extremely irregular and ragged. In the morning, Lori and Carrie and I changed him and laid him on his side, his breathing became more peaceful, less ragged. James had left earlier to record some documents for the house. Carrie decided to take a shower, I decided to go on a walk and Lori began vacuuming. During my walk, I had the distinct impression that I needed to continue to walk and not go back, that Dad couldn't go with us holding him there. Although, we didn't mean to be, our presence, as his children held him to this life. Within a period of 10 to 15 minutes James came back. He asked Lori to turn off the vacuum. Dad was gone. He had chosen to go when we were all away or distracted. I think he needed us to not be holding him here at all. I am so thankful for the opportunity to be here with my Dad in his time of need. He has always been there for me.